The most difficult thing that happened to me this week related to this course was getting started on the Wiki page. I am forced to recognize something about myself. When I feel there is no realistic way I am going to be successful in getting my house as clean as it should be, getting my kids everywhere on time, getting my errands run, meals cooked on time, and my homework assignments done on time I find that I lose the ability to even try. I find myself not plugging in and going full throttle to achieve my goals but instead wandering around my little house accomplishing nothing. It makes no sense and it is the furthest thing from helpful but there I go a-wandering. This week, I looked at the information presented for the wiki page and apparently a part of my brain said, “Nope. Can’t do it. This is for computer-y kind of people or people who are clearly smarter than me.” So I put it off. Every day, several times a day this week I would log back into Blackboard and re-skim the Wiki module and every time I wanted to cry and drop the course. I was frustrated because staring at the computer wasn’t helping me and not staring at the computer wasn’t helping me and I didn’t want to use the Help Forum because it seemed like other people were already plugging away at their pages, including one of my own group members! Getting started on the Wiki assignment was so difficult because I’m honestly just not wired this way. The incredibly nice epiphany I had this week, though, is that I don’t have to be. My group member that has been plugging away at the page admitted that she was confused too but she was at it anyway. I don’t have to be “wired” for this class. If I already knew everything I probably wouldn’t be taking this class anyway! So I’m here to learn. I slowed down and instead of reading and re-reading and watching and re-watching the module information and the YouTube video in a panic I REALLY READ the information provided. While I have contributed basically nothing so far on my page (although I am pretty proud I figured out how to set up a Discussion Link thanks to the Wiki module) and I have no idea if I will be successful in the end, I already feel more sensible, equipped, and eager to get it moving. The answers were right in front of me. I just had to stop assuming I was too inept to read them (basically word for word…duh me) and actually read them. I am posting this blog at the risk of looking like a complete idiot here but it’s been awhile since I’ve had a week where I felt this much like a-wandering around my house pitying my own stupidity! I guess I’m hoping this will provide others with the belief that they are capable of doing things they don’t yet believe they can too if they just slow down and accept the help that is available to them.
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